I wish I could see you smile. I wish I could hear you laugh. I grow tired of waiting to feel your warmth. Do you remember the little things that made you feel whole? The little things that made you see the light of the world? The little things that made breathing feel like flying?
I’m sorry you have lost so much. The lift while you walked, the sweetness of music, the taste of a fully belly.
I remember the sound of real laughter coming from you, on cold days in November. Walking home hand in hand with loved ones, talking loudly, laughing hard, feeling fulfilled with the day.
I remember seeing that fade away. Talking less, laughter leaving. The day tasting bitter. Satisfaction become a rarity. And then one day, it was all gone.
Do you remember me? Who we used to be?
I’m sorry I lost you, I strive to find you again.
You’ve stopped sleeping at night. You cry until your skin burns from the salt. Your head pounds with the pain from the screaming inside you. I can’t bear the pain.
Your wrists are cut and scarred. Your skin has lost all life. Your body is fragile. You don’t eat or drink. Nothing is filling. Food is tasteless, like life itself now.
I know you feel shame, you cant explain why you feel like this. I wish you weren’t afraid. I wish you knew you’re not alone. I wish you could find the strength to get help, I promise its out there.
Where have we gone?
Your body feels heavy. Your eyes are rolling back. What have you done? What have you taken?
Can you breathe?
Your heart is slowing down. You’re getting pale. What have you done? What have you taken?
Can you hear me?
You’re moving too slowly. Your voice is weak. What have you done? What have you taken?
I cant feel you any more.
We’re dying. Can you feel it?
You are loved. You are wanted. You are alive.
I can see your trials. I can see your recovery. I can see your strength.
You’re getting help now. You’re learning to cope. You’ve found the light to life, I can see it.
You talk to her, she helps you understand. She listens. She guides. She never judges.
I’m glad you found your way. I’m glad you took the steps. I’m glad you’re putting yourself back together.
I hope to see a better us soon.
I can see you smile again. I can hear you laugh again. You feel so warm, so warm again.
You feel whole again. The world is bright again. Breathing feels like taking flight again.
You have your bad days, I know you do. But I know you work hard to keep going. I know you do. I’m proud of you.
I know the days can feel full once and empty another, but I’m glad you can feel again.
I know the world is never as it seems. Happiness is not easily achieved and depression does not discriminate.
But hey, you. I’m so proud of you. Keep going. I know you, you have the strength to get up and carry on.
Please try to understand, that I’m proud of you.